Do you hear that noise?
It’s a faint whirring like a siren winding up in the distance. Yes, it’s definitely there, which can only mean one thing. It’s time for the public Outrage Machine to bore its way through town again.
Yes, lock your doors, and bar the windows, because the moralising bores who maintain the Outrage Machine, in all its unholy and oily glory, have got their chastity belts caught up their bum cracks again over absolutely nothing.
This time they’re annoyed at a father and daughter kissing on the lips, specifically David Beckham and his seven-year-old daughter, presumably because the Outrage Engineers have got nothing better to do.
Their indignation began When Mr Beckham posted a rather cute picture of he and Harper outside what appears to be a Christmas light switch on.
As we mentioned though some prudes online, not all of the prudes I should add, are rattled by the fact that David is kissing his daughter on the lips in the photo.
Well, we say kiss it’s more of a peck, to be honest.
This has upset a fair few sensitive folks who seem to believe a father showing his daughter affection is somehow synonymous with child abuse, because there’s no such thing as a middle ground in 2018 only extremes.
And because it is 2018, no matter how much we try to push back the clock, people aren’t content with just having an opinion, they also feel the need to share it.
As such some ‘fans’ of David have commented on the photo things like: ‘You can’t kiss your daughter on the lips!’ and ‘This is disgusting’.
Dare I say that if you think a picture of a seven-year-old girl kissing her dad is disgusting or that a dad can’t kiss his daughter then that says more about you than it does about David Beckham?
Might I even suggest that if you look at this photo and see anything sexual in it, you may want to get off the Internet and take a long, hard, look in the mirror?
My own irritation at this frankly ridiculous nonsense aside, it seems there are some rational people out their on the web in fact, thank God, it seems the majority of people are sensible enough to see this photo for what it is.
The sensible comments can basically be summed up as ‘this is a photo of a dad kissing his child, why are you so outraged at it’?
And while that’s the best way to look at this photo and the blaring Outrage Machine, which is obviously so desperate for the world’s indignation to feed it, it’s not my favourite comment on the photo.
My favourite comment, written by georgepgale, is:
Jesus look at the stick he’s getting for kissing his own child, the worlds full of weirdos.
God speed George you beautiful, sensible, b*stard. You’ve put it better than I ever could. The world is full of weirdos!
So to those worried by this photo, who are so keen to stoke the fires of scandal which fuel the Outrage Machine (No I’m not dropping the metaphor), I say do the world a favour and take a day off.
If you have a story you want to tell, send it to stories@unilad.co.uk.
More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism.
Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV.
He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.