You Can Now Buy Flame-Covered Crocs

Crocs

You may have heard your fashionista friend swearing to burn all Crocs, but you could never have guessed how Croc makers would actually implement this threat into their design.

And yet, flame patterned crocs are now, officially, a thing; harkening back to the heady days of 2004 own clothes days, when no self respecting Year 9 boy would be caught dead without his trusty flame shirt.

Somewhat surprisingly, the inspiration behind these Crocs actually isn’t ‘Burning Good Charlotte Albums Onto Blank CDs While Checking MSN’.

No no no. Christened ‘Bistro Clogs’, these shoes are actually aimed at serious foodies who require a hearty serving of comfort and protection whilst working their magic in the kitchen. Seriously, whacking your flip-flops on before chopping an onion is never advisable…

The design of the clogs certainly brings to mind BBQs, flame-grilled steaks and a certain restaurateur/meme by the name of Guy Fieri. I therefore kind of understand why these atrocities would appeal to chefs and would-be chefs alike.

What’s more, according to the description on the Crocs website, these clogs are ‘Certifiably Comfortable’; a label you will never see sported at Prada et al:

Choose your culinary inspiration and serve up some serious comfort with these Bistro Clogs, featuring a variety of bold graphic motifs to help you express your passion in the kitchen.

Designed with food service, hospitality, and health care workers in mind, they’re light and supportive enough to get you through even the longest shifts. Crocs-Lock™ slip-resistant treads, extra protection at the toes, and a variety of graphics come together to help you serve up your best.

Interestingly, these shoes – retailing at £39.99 – have attracted the sort of rave customer reviews any Bistro would be proud to bear on their TripAdvisor page.

One defiant maverick bragged:

So wonderfully tasteless in design – perfect for winding up croc haters! I bought them as I wanted some without the holes.

Another person – who boldly admitted to ‘adoring’ the out-there design – enthused:

Such a good idea. Flaming hot.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Croc haters!

Amazingly, Bistro Clogs also run ‘flavorful peppers print’ range for those who like a little extra spice with their footwear.

Crocs

Now, it’s all too easy to mock Crocs with their ludicrous shape and liberating disregard for any standard of conventional beauty. But it takes a brave and confident sort of person to stick two fingers up and pull these bad boys off. Or put them on, so to speak.

Through my own adherence to the norm, I have personally suffered through enough blister-inducing high heels and platform wedges to last a lifetime.

Indeed, I have twisted my ankles and bled onto dance floors in the name of social acceptability more times than I care to recall.

If people want to buy a pair of secret Bistro Clogs to swagger around the kitchen to when their flatmates are away then they have my full and non-judgemental support. The day of The Naked Chef is over. Long live The Crocced Chef.

Will these shoes be keeping your toes toasty this winter?

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Julia Banim

Jules studied English Literature with Creative Writing at Lancaster University before earning her masters in International Relations at Leiden University in The Netherlands (Hoi!). She then trained as a journalist through News Associates in Manchester. Jules has previously worked as a mental health blogger, copywriter and freelancer for various publications.