The Simpsons are as timeless as the beloved television show they inhabit (IDST).
Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie have witnessed – and even predicted – much of modern history, from politics to sports by way of pop-culture, all the while drinking from their animated font of youth and ageing not a day.
Don’t believe me? Just check out the family and friends in future HD from the episode Bart in the Future:
But, in the interests of shattering the fourth wall bubble and ruining your day, UNILAD has done some maths and can reveal how old the famous five – and some of their cohorts – would be if they aged as we do in our miserably linear 3D reality.
Let’s begin.
The Simpsons first appeared on The Tracy Ullman Show as a skit in 1987 and the public liked the yellow-skinned, four-fingered folk so much they eventually got their own self-titled show, which first aired on December 17 1989.
Just to put that into perspective, The Simpsons is exactly four days younger than Taylor Swift. Feel old yet? We’re just getting started… With Homer, of course.
Homer Simpson; 39 in TV years
With his penchant for carbs that sugar, being hit in the stomach by cannonballs and his disregard for nuclear safety, Homer shouldn’t have made it much past 21 years old.
But, thankfully the everyman oaf seems to be infallible and – if his driving license is anything to go by – he would’ve now reached the grand old age of 65, having been born on May 12 1952.
Marge Simpson; 39 in TV years
Throughout flashback episodes, Marge and Homer meet as seniors at high school who share the same classes, putting them at the same age.
However, Marge Simpson’s age is slightly more complicated to work out, with many sources claiming she’s two years younger than Homer, and he got held back a few years.
In season 23, during the episode titled Exit Through The Kwik-E-Mart, Lisa notes a calendar that lists Marge’s birthday as March 19, 1954, which would put her at aged 63.
But in Marge Gamer (season 18) Marge boasts about sharing her birthday with Randy Quaid, on October 18.
Furthermore, during an appearance on Springfield radio with Dr. Marvin Monroe in the first ever season’s Some Enchanted Evening, the media doc says she’s a 34-year-old, which would make her 59.
Bart Simpson; 10 in TV years
In the season three episode titled I Married Marge, the Simpson matriarch falls pregnant with Bart after she and Homer watch Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.
Working up from the May 1980 release date would make Bart the ripe age of 37 – just a few years off Homer’s age in tele time. And just to confuse matters, if the flash-forward episodes are anything to go by, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Just FYI, Bart’s canine cohort, Santa’s Little Helper, would be 196 in dog years.
Lisa Simpson; 8 in TV years
Lisa Simpson celebrated her eighth birthday in the iconic season three episode, Stark Raving Dad, which featured a vocal appearance from Michael Jackson, who sang the perpetually catchy song, Happy Birthday Lisa.
At two years younger than Bart she would now be 36 years old.
Maggie Simpson; 1 in TV years
In season five episode, Lady Bouvier’s Lover, the Simpson clan gathers together when Maggie had her first birthday. That makes her 28 years old in 2017.
So, chances are you’re now catching up in age to a baby you’ve been watching on Channel 4 repeats for decades of your life.
If that’s not Simps-ception I don’t know what is.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.