Women Are Changing The Sex Club Scene, One Party At A Time

If you’re a little bit naive when it comes to the goings on of a sex club party, then you’d be forgiven for picturing somewhere dark and seedy where men take it in turns to pass around scantily clad women like possessions.

While some of that may have been true in the past, the world of sex clubs has certainly evolved in recent years and it’s largely down to one woman, who set out on a mission to provide a safe space for women to explore their sexuality 14 years ago.

Rewind to 2005. Sex and the City had just come out, Ann Summers spiced up the high street and the press were talking about a female sexual revolution.

Emma Sayle was working in PR at the time, working on some erotica exhibitions when she noticed they were run by men for men.

She told UNILAD:

I just thought ‘this is not remotely female friendly’ and it got me thinking, there’s all this talk but it’s not really happening.

Emma began to notice the sexist disparity between men and women expressing and owning their own sexuality, recalling, ‘if women had a one night stand they’re a slut, if men had a one night stand they were a legend and patted on the back – it was a real imbalance and the more I saw it, the more I got angry.’

So, she set out the mission to create a safe space in which women could explore their sexuality without being judged or putting themselves at risk, and her brand Killing Kittens was born.

Now, Killing Kitten hosts successful female-first sex parties all over the UK, reaching as far as the US and Australia with more than 100,000 members.

Anyone can become a member of the club, which is aptly called Kitten’s World, but if you want to come to the exclusive Killing Kittens sex parties, you need to need to join the elite Kitten’s Association, which is exclusively for women.

Once women have joined the Kitten’s Association, they can become party verified, and then they can invite other male Kitten’s World members or couples to attend the events. Emma says they tend to keep the sex parties at around 60 per cent female.

One of the thousands of women to benefit from the ‘thrilling experience’ is 30-year-old Ellie, who her very first London Hedonism party with her now-boyfriend, who she met through Killing Kittens.

Ellie said:

In the run up to the event I felt a mixture of nervous anticipation and excitement, having never done anything remotely like this before.

I wanted to go in without any expectations, but just to enjoy myself, have a totally new experience.

Killing Kittens being an organisation run by women for women just made the whole idea of going to an ‘adult party’ not only safe but liberating. I knew no matter what happened I was in control and in a safe environment to explore in any way that I chose to.

Recalling her first sex party, Ellie continued:

Walking into that first party was a thrilling experience. A room full of masked strangers with an air of anticipation. It was clear everyone had made an effort and straight away people were mingling.

After a while people started to get changed, or undress and explore the various areas for play. To witness people, particularly women unashamedly being themselves in every way possible was a thrill and I loved it.

When it comes to the actual parties, Killing Kittens events are unique, because the women have to make the first move.

Emma explained:

We have the same rules online and offline where men can’t give the initial approach, they have to wait for the women to make the first move and that rule has stayed strong for 14 years across everything we do, every event we do, the whole online community as well.

Unlike other sex parties, people at Killing Kittens events are like ‘exclusive house parties’, complete with a champagne and oyster reception, where Emma says you can ‘feel the tension’:

Most sex parties are like, if you go, you have to have sex, and that’s what you’re expected to do. Ours have never been like that at all, it’s been a platform and an environment where you can if you want. But it’s all about you doing what you want and exploring your sexuality and girls doing it with couples and other girls and it might be that a woman in a couple is bi-curious and that’s why people come along.

While the female first brand has continued to evolve in the last decade-and-a-half, Emma said it’s only in recent years that people have truly come to appreciate the work they do in providing a safe space for women to explore their sexuality.

The entrepreneur continued:

I knew there would come a time that society would be ready for it – and as soon as #MeToo happened I was like, ‘right, this is it, this is the time we can start talking about what we do’.

However, it wasn’t always plain sailing for Emma, who says she lost friends when she first launched her business in the adult industry.

‘Everyone around me was asking me what I was doing,’ she said, ‘and thinking it was seedy and disgusting.’

Emma added:

I’m not even interested in it on a personal level, it wasn’t like I was big myself in the sex party scene, shagging around left right and centre. I was just observing friends around me and how they were judged, so that’s why I wanted to create it. I only thought it would last a couple of years, but people have finally stopped asking me when I’m going to get a proper job.

While Killing Kittens has been making waves in the sex club scene, Emma believes there’s still a long way to go in bridging the gender disparities seen at these events.

She said:

I think we’re dealing with an industry that is still very, very, male, it’s still run by men, it’s still quite old school.

While it might be 2019, it would seem there’s a still a long way to go in terms of achieving sexual equality. Kudos, Emma, for paving the way and showing the industry how it’s done.

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