Why wait until you’re a few years into a marriage to mess things up and show your other half what a massive tool you are, when you can be paid to do it on the day and in front of the nation. That’s right, Don’t Tell The Bride are looking for participants for their next series.
It’s always confused me how these couples get to the point of tying the knot without either party clocking what hopeless messes they’re engaged to be wed to. But then no one really knows what they’re getting themselves into until it’s too late. Actually, this writer knows about it a little too well to be making jokes about it. That’s the best thing about really awkward jokes. They’re funny because they’re painful and true. And not very funny.
On to other people’s misery and you could be in with the chance to spunk £13,000 on balloons, go-karts, goth cakes, whatever floats your dearly beloved’s boat. Everyone’s seen Don’t Tell The Bride. This really doesn’t need to be explained.
The show’s producers, Renegade Pictures, have put out a casting call to take part in the show, which is now apparently on E4.
All you have to do is fill in your personal details, attach a couple of pictures and explain why you want to be on the show. Sending a five-minute video of your crazy selves will fast-track your application. Nothing says shotgun wedding like the words virile content.
Look at these people and tell me you’re not inspired:
But don’t get your hopes up about the big day actually being your big day. It was revealed last year the weddings on the show aren’t even real.
The ceremonies filmed are ‘not legally binding’ and contestants are instructed to hold a separate wedding to officially do the business, The Sun reported.
One groom said:
It was written into our contract that our ceremony would not be legally binding and so we should go to a register office later.
That is what we did. But we had no follow up from anyone from the show after the filming, so we could easily have avoided it and had the party for free.
It makes a bit of a mockery of the process that the bride and groom go through this huge ordeal for a ceremony which isn’t even legal.
Reality TV not being real? Stone me.
The show’s also come under fire more recently after eagle-eyed viewers spotted something which shouldn’t have been there in the latest episode.
Music-lover – which is an awful self description, surely everybody loves music – Nathan, organised a 60s style party, the Daily Record write.
When he jumped into a chauffeur driven Mini viewers spotted he already had a gold band on the ring finger of his left hand.
Well it’s probably better than a volatile ex rocking up uninvited.
If you’re still up for applying for the show, and let’s be honest, if you were thinking about it the last two pieces of information really wouldn’t put you off, you can apply here.
Congratulations for the big day to come. Loads of people may have written you off, but there’s a chance you could prove them wrong!
If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via stories@unilad.co.uk
Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.