This Creepy Postman Pat Conspiracy Will Ruin Your Childhood

BBC

Postman Pat and his black and white cat have been delivering joy and happiness to children across Britain every morning since it first aired in 1981.

But recent evidence – that is guaranteed to ruin your day and quite probably your childhood – suggests that Pat might’ve been depositing more than just letters in boxes.

One Twitter user has ruminated that Pat made special deliveries above and beyond the call of duty on his rounds in the village of Greendale, in the heart of the Cumbrian countryside.

Dinneen Dictionary alludes to the population of distinctive looking kids at Greendale Primary School, where many of the students have ginger locks and a long nose…

Just like Pat, the friendly neighbourhood postman.

[tweet https://twitter.com/AnDuinnineach/status/815188044449980416 conversation=”false”]

In further damning evidence, it seems many of the village children don’t bear any resemblance to their fathers.

Either there’s something in the Greendale water or Pat’s been releasing some powerfully dominant genes from his sack.

[tweet https://twitter.com/AnDuinnineach/status/815975972558307328 conversation=”false”]

Dinneen Dictionary’s theory has been retweeted and liked thousands of times by users who have corroborated his theory.

One referred to an episode in which Pat spontaneously gave the Doctor a convertible car, alluding to the vehicle as ‘hush money’.

However, there’s one man who isn’t happy about the explicit revelations: Stephen Mangan.

The Hollywood actor and comic who recently voiced the Head of the Special Delivery Service in Postman Pat: The Movie pleaded with the Twittersphere to keep its mouth shut.

However, the post has gone viral and adults everywhere are reevaluating their parenting choices and their faith in Old Faithful BBC programming.

Many have drawn comparison between Postman Pat and the notorious Craggy Island milkman, Pat Mustard.

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It seems both Lotharios have left a wake of broken homes and ‘hairy babies’ behind them in their TV wake.

The Royal Mail is yet to comment.

Francesca Donovan

A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.