The MancJaffa cakes are undeniably good whether you’re a half mooner or a full mooner, and on paper a half an hour Jaffa break sounds rather pleasant.
However, what if you had to chomp your way through one hundred of the tangy biscuit/cakes in just 30 minutes flat?
Although this may seem like a dream come true, the reality is much different; complete with nausea, sugar rushes and tight belt regrets.
This was the grim realisation which faced UNILAD’s very own Chris, who threw himself into the Jaffa Cake Challenge with plenty of determination, puns and an admirable adherence to the rulebook.
Watch Chris’s 30 minutes of fame below:
Armed with a cup of warm milk and can of Diet Coke, poor Chris couldn’t have begun to prepare for the obstacle course for the gut ahead of him.
The timer started and Chris was away; already feeling pretty intimidated by the mountain of Jaffas piled on the table in front of him. According to the rules, a contender can only eat one at a time, with cheating strictly against the rules.
The record to beat was held by an iron-stomach contender who completed it in a supernaturally quick six minutes, 49 seconds.
Chris worked out he would have to eat a cake every five seconds to complete the challenge in 10 minutes. However, things got off to a slow start when he realised it had taken 25 seconds to munch through just two.
Beginning to struggle after the first few zesty mouthfuls, Chris puzzled:
These are so much drier than I remember. I’m sure these used to be delicious.
Fortunately, Chris found dunking the Jaffas in the milk made matters a little smoother, and appeared to get a second wind in his mouth sails. Others in the comments suggested tea, which sounds like a good shout in my book.
However, there were still plenty of challenges ahead on this dry, orangey road for our chocolate champ…
Four minutes in and Chris was doing splendidly, getting his new-found dunk and demolish philosophy down to a tee.
With 13 minutes down, Chris was still going strong; although looking a little green around the gills. After 21 minutes, he admitted, ‘I’ve lost so much momentum.’
Amazingly, he continued to power through, later declaring:
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t know if it’s the sugar cutting off my brain, but it’s all I can think of right now.
By the time he was down to the final three, it appeared for one tense moment he might actually give up with the sickly victory so close in sight. Cheered on in the comments, he burped and chewed his way through the final hurdle.
The MancChris completed the challenge in a very respectable 29.14 minutes, well within his target and making him easily the hardiest eater at the UNILAD office, which is no mean feat.
Do you reckon you could beat Chris’s record?
If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via [email protected]
Jules studied English Literature with Creative Writing at Lancaster University before earning her masters in International Relations at Leiden University in The Netherlands (Hoi!). She then trained as a journalist through News Associates in Manchester. Jules has previously worked as a mental health blogger, copywriter and freelancer for various publications.