In life there are unwritten rules that you should never break. But one guy didn’t seem to get the memo…
Twitter user @sad_tree had the unfortunate job of serving one particular bloke on a daily basis, in his time working at Philadelphia Style and Subs.
A customer simply named Smith would come in, order two pizzas and carry them out vertically, non the wiser of the horrific consequences you would have for your fast-food treat.
He offered a narrative that’ll make you laugh, cry and leave you incredibly infuriated that people like Smith generally exist on this planet. Enjoy.
I've never hated anyone in my life except this next guy.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
My old job I worked at a pizza place. Every week this guy came in and order 2 extra large pizzas.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
And every single week, I yell "Pickup Smith". He walks up to the counter. Shows me his receipt. I slide the pizzas across the counter.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
Mr. Smith picks up the two pies (18")… AND TURNS THE BOXES SIDEWAYS UNDER HIS ARMS. He walks out the door with 2 piping hot loaded pies.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
What the fuck is wrong with him you ask. Why is he doing that? Well, we will get to that later. It’s fair to say the staff were fuming…
HE JUST NONCHALANTLY CARRIES HIS PIZZAS LIKE A HIGHSCHOOLER CARRYING TEXT BOOKS
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
There were a bunch of Spanish cooks working with me, that couldn't take it. They spend 70 hours a week making pizzas. And to see this.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
Theyd step to the back. Others couldn't look away. It was like a train wreck. A large elderly woman wearing yoga pants. Couldn't look away
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
Keep in mind when you DELIVER a pizza( flat surface sitting in your car) if you drive erratically you can slide the cheese to one side.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
And this guy was TUCKING. Up under his arm Like he was walking in to an interview with Disney Pixar carrying his doodle portfolio.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
Some of the cooks would say things like "he should not do this" "why does he do this" "puta gringos" but no matter the nationality we agreed
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
He had to be stopped.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
So, they hatched a plan. This guy had to ditch his days of pizza negligence…
At first, I started carrying his pizzas out to his car for him. "Oh wow great service" he'd say. And then when I handed him the pies
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
Great, that should solve that problem. Oh, wait…
When we reached his Subaru, HED TUCK THEM UNDER HIS ARM THEN PUT THEM IN THE CAR
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
You start thinking, maybe pizza isn’t the right food for this bloke. Maybe he should try something different? Or not…
Then I started hinting about eating other food. "Hey mr smith you should try the cheese steaks" "the moss sticks are great" nope. Tucked.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
Maybe delivery is a better idea than takeout? That’ll sort it once and for all…
Finally we offered free delivery, normally $1.75 delivery fee, but for him. Nothing. Don't even tip. Just let us bring the pies horizontally
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
Oh, maybe not.
You live 35 minutes away and only stop here because you work locally? Don't worry. We got you.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
"Nah. I like coming in to see you guys"… Is he fucking with us? Does he enjoy the range of emotion we demonstrate because of his antics?
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
've never seen someone as regretful of their profession as our Guatemalan cook Tony. He told me Smith made him 'want to to go home'.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
I digress. It's my last week working there. Smith calls his order in on Thursday. I know I have 25 minutes to prepare. What should I say.
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
I've never straight up asked him. Closest I've gotten was proxy conversations with customers that came up after him, as disgusted as I was
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
So he walks in. He pays. The pies come out. I yell "Pick Up Smith". He walks up with his receipt. I slide the pies. He picks them up
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
begins to tuck them under his arm. And in this moment I know. It's now or never. My five years at Philadelphia Style Pizza have come to this
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
This is for me, for tony, for Guatemala. He turns to leave. And suddenly as if without preparation I ask…"Why"
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
He braces himself. It can’t end like this…
He looks at the me. Then the tucked pies. Then back at me. Pauses for a moment and says
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
They're for my family I don't even eat pizza
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
You sick bastard. What the hell is wrong with you?
This is for me, for tony, for Guatemala. He turns to leave. And suddenly as if without preparation I ask…"Why"
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
And that was it. I stood there with my mouth open for a few seconds in disbelief. The next customer came up. I finished my week. But still
— joe (@sad_tree) January 13, 2016
So, there you have it. We can only hope Smith reads this and changes his pizza-hating ways…
