TwitterA few days back, Oakland writer Sarah Gailey took to her Twitter account to reveal a shocking revelation that she had never seen a Star Wars film.
Give yourself a moment to take that in. So, armed with her mum’s DVD’s of the trilogy she live-tweeted her thoughts… and they’re fucking hilarious. Despite the fact she got a lot of it wrong, she also managed to get some of it so spot on.
LucasFilmThis is what she had to say about Episode IV or as she’d probably like to call it Space Voldemort v Whiny Space Criminals.
So my mom lent us her Star Wars dvds. She did that because she learned my biggest secret. I’ve never seen Star Wars.
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
I just never got around to it! And I caught snippets of Phantom Menace when it came out, and I was like, “not for me”. So never caught up.
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
This intro song is SOOOOO much longer than pop culture has led me to believe #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
THE DOOR TO THE REBEL SHIP IS BLOWING UP THIS IS AWESOME. Who are these dope ass white-robot soldiers w the red lasers? #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
@gaileyfrey y’all they are mediocre shots AT BEST #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
She’s pretty spot on about storm troopers lack of shooting accuracy, but doesn’t seem mega impressed so far. But don’t worry, Space Voldemort is here with his swish cape…
SPACE VOLDEMORT IS HERE His cape is the fkn business idgaf what y’all think. Assuming he’s a good guy. #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
Space voldemort = mufasa, I can hear it and IMDB verified it and I am thus CERTAIN he is the hero. #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
It’s fair to say her thoughts of R2D2 and C-3PO were equally hilarious…
Gold robot man says “fuck this desert shit,” space trash can says “nope, desert is where the ladies are at” #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
Little trash can robot DGAF, love it. Go with him gold robot, he can probably score you some ladies with that chill blue hat. #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
Oh noooooo space trash can don’t go in the spooky valley! It’s clearly full of demons!! #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
…do these canyon demons just go around kidnapping lost robots? That seems like a shitty business model. #wastedmba#starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
She wasn’t afraid to label Luke Skywalker as ‘whiny’ and to be fair, it’s a pretty accurate description…
Ok is Luke this fucking whiny the whole movie? I am already rooting for Space Voldemort to fuck him up as MUCH AS POSSIBLE #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
And just like that, the film was over. What a shame.
IT’S OVER WE DID IT GUYS should… should I do the second one? #starswars
— Burr Shot First (@gaileyfrey) December 26, 2015
But don’t worry, she went back for more and live-tweeted Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi as well.
Awesome.
