‘Expert’ Says Cheating On Your Partner Can Have One Bizarre Benefit

Pexel

A weight loss expert has recommended cheating on your partner can help you lose weight.

The self-described ‘straight-talking, ballsy lifestyle media pundit’, who has no medical training whatsoever as far as I can see, has developed a controversial theory and shared it with the world.

Speaking to the main source of helpful and totally accurate health related stories, the Daily Mail, Steve Miller has shared his controversial weight loss tips.

He shared his advice in bizarrely overblown language that wouldn’t be out of place in a particularly unimaginative David Cameron speech from 2007:

I am calling on the people of Britain to get ballsy, have an affair and take steps to end a dead relationship for the sake of becoming fat free.

According to the Hypnotherapist and Fat Families TV host, ‘we get fat because we are in relationships with those we shouldn’t be. We turn to food to fill the void.’

Personally I turn to food to fill my stomach, but I guess I see what he’s saying here; being fat isn’t my fault and instead of doing anything about it I should blame other people.

I’m on board so far, I’m all for blaming other people for my problems, it’s significantly easier than accepting responsibility for them.

Let’s find out how the permanently-frowning Steve Miller thinks having an affair will stop our terrible partners making us fat:

Don’t feel guilty for having an affair, go create excitement with a new lover and see yourself depending less on food for comfort.

This is great. Not only do I get to act like a selfish douche, I don’t even need to feel bad about it. Incredible.

I’m great at being a selfish douche so I should be catwalk ready in no time at all.

The problem with being a selfish douche is it probably makes you quite a bad partner and you’ll probably end up single.

Luckily, Steve has some advice for finding new love after you’ve torpedoed your own life by listening to his utter nonsense:

Be choosy as you move on and find new love. If they are fat then beware as they will probably be a feeder. Instead seek out the slim alternative.

I’m not entirely sure if overweight cheaters who can’t take responsibility for their own shortcomings get to be choosy, but Steve is on the TV and has 60k followers on Twitter so this advice is probably solid.

Also loving the message that fat people are untrustworthy, ‘controlling bullies living in fear we may leave them for someone else.’

Hopefully people can listen to Steve’s advice without internalising all the implicit shame and negativity.

UNILAD