You seem to hear stories all the time about people getting fucked over by their exes, but hearing what happened to this guy tops them all…
Just to warn you, his post is pretty lengthy, but trust me it’s so worth sticking with it. Redditor CannonballJog has a great tale to tell of the most insane revenge scheme ever.
He posted:
I apologize up front for the rather lengthy post, but it’s all true and was my greatest revenge. It all starts about 10 years ago. I was happily engaged to a girl who I knew for about 9 years but had only been dating for about 1 year. Let’s call her “Nancy McFuckingCuntbag”. All was good, she had her dream engagement ring, we had a nice house together, both had steady jobs and the wedding plans were coming along nicely. About two months prior to the wedding we found out we were going to have a baby! Such happiness had never been felt before. Wedding plans continued and the big day was only 28 days away.
It all sounds pretty lovely so far, right? Well, it’s about to all take a nosedive…
I come home from work and find that Nancy isn’t home. I call her to see if she got held up at work and to see what time she might be home. But Nancy wasn’t at work, she was at her grandmother’s house, in another state. Nancy calmly told me that she no longer wanted to get married and that she was not coming home.Complete and utter shock. What in the fuck just happened? I try to call her back, her phone is off. I call her grandmother, no answer. What about the wedding? What about our baby? What about everything? No answers. No contact for three days. Three days of no breath in my body, no clues, nothing. On day four Nancy shows up and starts packing her stuff. She won’t say a word to me. Nothing. She leaves and sends me an email saying that she can’t be with me, again no reasons.
This is all a bit sudden, where has this all come from? Well, he did a bit of digging and it wasn’t good news…
I begin calling her sister and asking what the fuck happened. Her sister tells me that she has no idea but gives me their mom’s phone number. Strange, Nancy said her mom was out of the picture because she was an abusive alcoholic. Nevertheless I call mom. Mom tells me that I am lucky number three who has fallen for this trap. Nancy cut mom out of her life so mom couldn’t ruin Nancy’s game of milking guys for money and resources. Nancy has been pregnant twice before and had “miscarriages” and milked guys for everything she could before running off to super Christian grandma’s house and claiming abuse so grandma will take her in until the dust settles and she can do it again. What. The. Fuck.
Probably couldn’t put that better myself. Understandably, her actions start to take a toll on him…
Weeks go by and still no contact with Nancy. I’ve lost 20 pounds and have been counseled at my job for poor work performance. My family is mad as fuck. Family members lost money on travel plans to the wedding, and I am mortified. I lost all of the deposits on everything for the wedding since it was less than 30 days before it was cancelled. I’m piss broke. I check our joint bank account, negative $2k. Fuck. Guess I won’t be paying the mortgage.I start to get my shit together and my sadness turns to rage. I had so much anger inside of me I actually had to scale it back a bit or I might have gone to prison.
You’ve got to feel sorry for the guy. She finally got round to telling him why she left in the most cowardly way possible – by text of course…
A month and a half after the split I get a text. “I had a miscarriage, you stressed me out too much and my daughter is dead now”……. Daughter? I was having a daughter? You’re blaming me for this? That’s it, I’m going to kill this bitch….. No, wait…. Breathe…. Get your shit together…. Take this bitch apart at the seems. A few days of Xanax and whiskey get me over the hump of sadness again… Back to rage… Let’s do this.
Not a classic combo, but I guess whatever helps, helps. How did the revenge rampage begin then?
Most of Nancy’s shit was still at my house (which I have to walk away from because I can afford it). I start to pack it all up and in order to get rid of it somehow. But I stumble upon a few things. Her résumé and her checkbook to her personal bank account. I read her résumé, it’s all bullshit like everything else. I hop on the computer, create a new yahoo email address and send a long letter to her corporate office telling them line-by-line how it’s all lies. Feels good. Operation checkbook. I sign her name on every check and rip them all out of the book. I drive 30 minutes to the seediest part of town and leave them on a sidewalk in front of an AM PM… Too much good stuff. I go back home and throw out all of her shit. Fuck it. Sue me bitch. Except her laptop, I keep that shit. Two weeks go by. Nancy calls, I don’t answer. Voicemail says she got laid off due to cut backs. I know that’s not true. Fuck yeah. Two more weeks go by and letters from some District Attorney’s bad check restitution program begin to trickle in the mail. Fuck yeah. Oh and the registration renewal for her car. Shred all that shit. Oh, while I’m at it I might as well put a change of address in for her at the post office. Where to? The temporary shelter for the homeless sounds good. I hear through a mutual friend that since Nancy is out of work now she is staying with friends and supported financially by super Christian grandma.
Ahh, well at least it’s only money troubles, and her lovely nan has stepped in to sort it out anyway. That’s the end of that then, right? Wrong.
Fuck that. I hop on her laptop and make a new yahoo email address that is only one number different from Nancy’s real email. I email super Christian grandma a video of Nancy finger blasting herself that I had saved. I titled the email “hey grandma check out this video I took of my job, I hope I uploaded it right” Fuck yeah. Email reply. “You are disgusting. I hope your new job pays well because I’m not supporting you if you act like that” Oh, damn.. A two for one deal. Embarrassment and financial distress. Noice.
Fuck me, she must have been mortified. Could it get any sweeter than this? Yes, of course it can…
Weeks go by and I get a call from Rent-a-Center. WTF? Oh they want all of Nancy’s furniture back. I had no idea it was rent to own shit. I tell them I don’t have it. They argue and say she says in have it. I stick to my guns and tell them I do not have it and I don’t know where it is. That night I burn it all in the yard. $4200 owed. Zing. I find out that Nancy has a new job and as I am planning my next move I hear great news. Nancy has been arrested and is in jail for embezzlement. Apparently she had some money problems and stole $5k out of petty cash and got busted. Oh god this is great. She fucked herself.
Just like she did earlier… but any heard anything on the grapevine about her jail time?
Months go by with no updates, and then I hear from a friend that she was bailed out of jail by grandma after only a few days and ended up taking a plea bargain for a felony conviction and three years of probation along with restitution. Rekt. I hang my hat and call it a day. I have gotten my revenge. I’ll leave it there, time to move on.
Yeah, I think you’ve had your fun, I don’t think things could get much worse could they really…
A couple months later the phone rings. It’s a repo company looking for info on where Nancy is because they are trying to repossess her car. Hahaha, ok, one last nail in the coffin. I make a few calls and find the address where she is staying. I call the repo company back and give them the info. They thank me and say I am eligible for a $100 reward if they get the car back. “No thanks, this one’s on me.”
So, where is Nancy now? Well, it will be probably not surprise you to hear she’s not doing amazingly well…
Nancy is now a felon, jobless, and a single mom of a kid she recently had from some random guy. She lives in an apartment with her brother and his girlfriend. I am happily married with a beautiful daughter and a great life. Yesterday I get a Facebook message from Nancy. “Congrats on the marriage and daughter, I’m glad you’re happy”
Any parting shot? Any words of wisdom for your crazy ex? Of course…
I reply, “Go fuck yourself :)” she blocked me. Life is good. Sometimes taking the low road heals the soul.
Crazy met crazy and shit got real.
