Picture the scene: your girlfriend wants to marry you. A cause for hurray? Nay, not for this bloke. He wanted to avoid wedding bells so badly he stole a Bluetooth speaker.
Couples go through break-ups all the time. It’s the circle of love – not all relationships are destined for the stars, and inevitably many are destined for the pits of despair rather than the arches of chapels.
However, there’s a way to end a courtship. Don’t text or call, do it in person like a grown-up. And, for the love of god, just in case it wasn’t plainly obvious, don’t steal a speaker to get out of marrying your girlfriend.
The tit that’s inspired this article is one Mr Chen, who was detained after stealing a Bluetooth speaker worth 2,000 RMB (£222) from a dance studio on Huashan Road in Shanghai, China.
He committed the petty crime on January 8, which led to his arrest the same day. However, there were certainly a few smiles and giggles at the police station: his confession amused investigators and led to his story going viral online.
When asked why he chose to steal, Mr Chen told officers at Xinhua Road Police Station:
Because my girlfriend wants to marry me, but I don’t want to marry her. I knew I would be caught. I actually wanted to walk away, but I was angry. My girlfriend wants to get married, but I don’t want to. I knew you would find me, though I didn’t think it would be so fast.
The question I hear you pondering – why did he decide to take a bluetooth speaker? Why wouldn’t he opt for something bigger if he wanted to get out of marriage so badly, to the extent he couldn’t face actually breaking up with her himself?
Well, there’s some logic in it. According to the local authorities, Mr Chen chose to steal an item of low value so he wouldn’t burden the owner with a great loss.
He hoped that when he stole it and was caught, the whole ordeal would disappoint his girlfriend so much she’d then want to break up with him. He’s currently in custody for the minor offence, however he’s not expected to be detained for long.
It’s also still unclear whether Mr Chen’s plan was successful. Maybe she likes a bad boy.
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After graduating from Glasgow Caledonian University with an NCTJ and BCTJ-accredited Multimedia Journalism degree, Cameron ventured into the world of print journalism at The National, while also working as a freelance film journalist on the side, becoming an accredited Rotten Tomatoes critic in the process. He’s now left his Scottish homelands and took up residence at UNILAD as a journalist.