The mother of an eight-year-old boy has caused controversy by sharing and ‘shaming’ an email her son had sent asking if he could get a mohawk.
The young boy first pitched the idea to mum Natalie Fikes after seeing another boy at school with the hairstyle and deciding he wanted to look like him, because the boy at school was ‘popular’.
Jayden asked for a mohawk when his mum took him to the barbers, but as his mother believes in ‘delayed gratification’ she told him to ‘do a presentation as to why’ he should have one.
Discussing how the presentation came about, motivational speaker Natalie said:
I picked Jayden up from school three months ago and I asked him how his day was.
This day was a six out of 10 whereas normally his days are between 8-9.5 so I asked him, ‘Why?’ and he said ‘I just want to be popular’. Then he started telling me about this boy. He said he’s cool and he has a mohawk.
When we got to the barber shop a couple of days later, Jayden says, ‘I want a mohawk’ and I’m thinking, ‘Interesting, he’s never brought up wanting a mohawk before’.
Natalie continued:
We talked about it and Jayden told me he wanted the mohawk to be like the popular boy in school. He believes the mohawk will make him popular too.
That’s when I realised his self-esteem isn’t where it needs to be.
One of my main rules for the boys is, ‘Don’t ask me in the moment’. I believe in delayed gratification so I told him, ‘You know not to ask me now’. I explained this was something we’d need to discuss and if he really wanted a mohawk he should do a presentation as to why.
The eight-year-old did as he was told and sent Natalie an email outlining the reasons why he felt he’d earned the new haircut, pointing out he had been achieving good grades and getting along with with his brother, Elijah.
Jayden’s email read:
Mom can I please have a Mohawk?
I have been getting purples [good grades] and if you call my teacher she will say I have purple behavior.
So you know I have been getting along with Elijah and I like to show off. And you said I am doing better with all of the contribution/chores. And with the lights and others.
The only thing I need to work on is to trust myself and stop saying you don’t love me but you do.
So other than that, that is the reason why I want a Mohawk. Have a productive day. Love You.
Though Jayden made a pretty solid argument, his mum claimed he made his explanation ‘all about what he wants’ and therefore asked him, ‘What’s in it for me?’.
Natalie shared the email on Facebook, apparently with Jayden’s permission, where she described how she believed ‘you can have whatever it is that you want if you know when to say, what you need to say, to who you need to say it to’.
She also recalled the conversation that followed the email, in which she rated Jayden’s presentation ‘50%’ because he’d only focused on himself.
The life and business coach then told her little boy, who dreams of being an entrepreneur, that if he wants something from her he needs to make it about ‘what she wants’.
See Natalie’s post here:
The post quickly gained a lot of attention on Facebook, with many people slating Natalie’s controversial parenting methods.
One person wrote:
She’s shaming him instead of affirming him… how can she do this to him as a child?
Another responded:
I am actually glad that OP post it – she’s got a chance to see how thousands of people think her behaviour is TRASH.
See other responses below:
Natalie defended herself in spite of the backlash, arguing she wouldn’t let her son get a mohawk ‘because he was just trying to be someone else’.
She continued:
He’s a kid and he’s trying to work out who he is. We all go through that phase but that’s why parenting is so important.
I need to have it in me to pull him back and tell him to be himself. I’m encouraging him to love his uniqueness.
My son wants to be an entrepreneur which is why I asked him ‘what’s in it for me?’. People really took that out of context and if they’re not in the business they wouldn’t understand.
If you want something from somebody else, you shouldn’t make it about you, make it about them.
The mum said Jayden wasn’t disheartened by his mum’s refusal, but rather he ‘went off about his day like it was nothing at all’.
Natalie went on:
He likes to learn and it becomes a business conversation and he loves having something to work towards. It was not a loss or a rejection to him.
I shared the post because I want to show people the importance of using every experience as a teachable moment. I don’t think people take every opportunity they have to teach.
The self-proclaimed ‘selfless, great mum’ says the backlash online hasn’t made her question her parenting at all, instead claiming those who disagree with her methods are ‘projecting’ their own experiences on to her.
While many people argued against Natalie’s technique, she did receive some support from other parents, with one person telling her they ‘liked’ her approach.
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Emily Brown first began delivering important news stories aged just 13, when she launched her career with a paper round. She graduated with a BA Hons in English Language in the Media from Lancaster University, and went on to become a freelance writer and blogger. Emily contributed to The Sunday Times Travel Magazine and Student Problems before becoming a journalist at UNILAD, where she works on breaking news as well as longer form features.