Attention loo shirkers! Your Twitter-scrolling, skiving days are over – a new toilet seat is in town.
Everyone’s done it. You pop off to the bathroom and have a little bit of me time, checking your social media accounts, looking at memes and generally just chilling out like a king on a throne.
In the UK alone, it’s estimated that extended employee breaks cost industry and commerce an estimated £16 billion per annum. Introducing the StandardToilet: the loo that won’t cater to your buttocks for long stretches.
The toilet bowl has been in use in mainstream society since the 16th century, and the design hasn’t really changed since. However, medical professionals have suggested that it can cause swollen haemorrhoids and weakening of pelvic muscles.
But most of all, the modern toilet has stretched beyond the necessity. People use them as private spaces for texting and ingesting the world wide web on their phones, slacking off at work and willing their shift away one minute at a time.
StandardToilet also alleges that due to this, train stations and shopping centres are rammed with queues as people spend too much time sitting on the bog.
So, in order to fix this crippling social issue, this toilet is changing up the design – sitting at an angle to put strain on pooping people’s legs, so they’re less inclined to stay for long.
As per the StandardToilet website, the design description reads:
The StandardToilet seating surface is to be sloped forwards. When in the sitting position, the user will face the same direction as the front of the toilet seat. The seat/bowl front decline shall be at a constant gradient.
The distance from ground level to the front of the StandardToilet seating area shall vary from 350mm to 450mm. The decline design patent is in both floor and wall mounted WCs. Gradient patent is from 5-35 degrees. The optimum angle of the gradient shall be between 11-13 degrees.
The StandardToilet claims to offer a range of benefits: improving employee efficiency by reducing social media usage, reducing queuing, and improving employee well-being by reducing their use of pelvic muscles.
The next time you’re sitting on a toilet at work, cherish that spirit-level seat. Relish the comfort, the freedom of strain on the legs, the peace and tranquillity away from measures to improve efficiency.
Live your own life, while you still can.
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After graduating from Glasgow Caledonian University with an NCTJ and BCTJ-accredited Multimedia Journalism degree, Cameron ventured into the world of print journalism at The National, while also working as a freelance film journalist on the side, becoming an accredited Rotten Tomatoes critic in the process. He’s now left his Scottish homelands and took up residence at UNILAD as a journalist.