When it comes to online shopping, sometimes we have to rely on customer reviews so we know exactly what we’re purchasing – and you can bet the same applies when choosing a new sex toy.
In fact, one woman has proven just how much we value our peers’ honest opinions, after a vibrator sold out online thanks to her glowing review in which she described ‘levitating’ during her ‘unending orgasm’.
The review, which leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, is for the Tracy’s Dog Clitoral Sucking Vibrator, and has prompted so many curious shoppers to purchase the toy that it completely sold out.
Luckily, the 5-star review was screenshot and shared on Twitter by user @savvvvyd, and it’s well worth the read.
‘Having read everyone’s reviews, I had high expectations, but with the price being under 50 dollars, I wasn’t exactly going to be shocked if it was mediocre,’ Amazon customer Express7976 wrote.
‘A few friends of mine bought it recently and told me of its power. I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all do some stretches. I thought they were being such drama queens.’
The woman explained how the product, which cost just $43.99 (£35) at the time she purchased it, came in a discreet box just two days after she placed her order. The instructions told her it would take two and a half hours to charge, so she plugged the ‘lil bad boy’ in while her kids were at school and settled down to read some ‘erotica’ to get her ‘in the mood.’
She continued:
I have to get the kids in a few hours and I need to be ready to go when this thing is done charging. Tik tok b*tch, tik tok welcome to motherhood.
After an hour and a half, the toy was ready to go.
On April 11, she wrote:
Game on. I played with the settings on my hand to test this fine machinery out. The vibration for the g spot part is quite strong, I was impressed with that even before use. Next was suction.
So many levels it was interesting to see the different patterns and strength. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for g spot. I’ve never used a clit suction type stimulator, so I have nothing to compare it to, but looked forward to it none the less. Time to solo party.
I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape, it took me a few min to get everything where it needed to be. That was a bit time consuming and slightly frustrating. But as with any new toy, its trial and error.
I started the clit one on low, which I barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me it wasn’t lined up 100%, so, me being me, I decide to go from zero to 60 in 3.5.
I hit the suction button setting to level five or six and hit the g spot button as well. And made a minor adjustment on suction placement.
At least I think that’s what happened, because I’m pretty sure I blacked out.
The woman claims once she started using the toy her ‘legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared,’ adding ‘I never came so fast and so hard in my life. I squirted, I have NEVER DONE THAT. Luckily I put a towel down cause I hate wet spots.’
She continued:
I frantically tried to turn it off, but ended up hitting the buttons like a maniac, sending to even stronger suction and now variant pulses from the g spot vibrator. And came, again.
I’m pretty sure I levitated. It was an unending orgasm. This time, my soul left me, and god himself said ‘child, it is not your time, go back to the lil pink light.’ Mind you, I’m agnostic.
I’m brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me throwing it across my bed, it falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away.
The woman added she ‘shook for a good five minutes’ after using the vibrator and couldn’t get up off the bed.
She said:
I stared at my ceiling dazed trying to remember who I am and what year is this.
I get up to clean up and realize in my seizure like orgasms, i hurt my hip and back. I’m still hobbling four hours later. I did not stretch enough.
So in conclusion, this met and exceeded expectations. Hydrate, make sure you don’t have to do anything that involves decisions or brainpower for the rest of the day. And for the love of god, stretch like you are about to run the 500 meter dash.
Is anyone else absolutely exhausted just from reading that?
The toy, which has since gone up to $52.99, has temporarily gone out of stock but you can grab one from Amazon as soon as they’re back.
If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via story@unilad.com
Emma Rosemurgey is an NCTJ trained Journalist who started her career by producing The Royal Rosemurgey newspaper in 2004, which kept her family up to date with the goings on of her sleepy north east village. She graduated from the University of Central Lancashire in Preston and started her career in regional newspapers before joining Tyla (formerly Pretty 52) in 2017, and progressing onto UNILAD in 2019.