Causing harm unintentionally to your genitals, be it a vagina or penis, is probably everyone’s worst nightmare.
You could be on the brink of an existential crisis, thinking about war, poverty, council tax, politics, all that jazz, and look down and say to yourself, ‘Well at least I’ve got this.’
Then one day, you’re having a bit of fun and WHAM, your bits are broken.
What do you do? Resign yourself to failure and unhappiness? I know what I’d do, turn it into literature or at the very least a funny anecdote, which is exactly what sex columnist Nadia Bokody did.
It had been a long time since the 34-year-old Australian had sex, she confessed, but she wasn’t quite ready to be ‘intimate’ with someone new, so did some research and bought a vibrator.
‘It was quite odd looking back, that I was running a women’s website,’ Nadia wrote. ‘Providing women with sex-positive advice and information on using vibrators when I had yet to try one myself.’
She purchased her very own ‘Rabbit’, similar to what Charlotte York buys in Sex and the City.
Nadia admitted to becoming obsessed with using her new toy, especially the ease and speed at which it allowed her to feel pleasure again after months in a ‘sexless marriage.’
‘It was incredibly liberating and empowering to really take control of my sexuality in that way for the first time in my adult life,’ she added.
After a couple of weeks of using the new device (that sounds creepy for some reason, dunnit?), she started experiencing pelvic pain, even reduced to hobbling around her office.
Not putting two and two together, she went to the doctor to see if anything was up.
When all her STD tests came back clear, it became obvious what the root of the problem was and it rhymes with icebreaker.
She explained:
The doctor started asking some questions and that’s when I realised the pain had been the result of me over-using my vibrator! It was equal parts embarrassing and hilarious.
Nadia was then forced to admit to her doctor that during the first week of usage, she had used the Rabbit half a dozen times per day and on the highest power setting.
He advised her to immediately take a break from any kind of sex toy to allow herself to recover.
Warning others against a similar awkward fate, she said:
The main thing to keep in mind when trying something new is to start out slow – I learnt the lesson the hard way not to use the turbo setting on your first go, and not to get too carried away!
Sex toys are a great way to explore new fantasies and sensations, both on your own and with a partner, and provided you buy from a reputable retailer like I did, they’re really safe.
Moral of the story here guys is never, under any circumstances, watch Sex and the City.
Nah, just messing with you. What. A. Show. Maybe just take a break here and there.
If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via [email protected].
