Area15 FacebookGood news if you’re interested in seeing how far the 2 million people who want to storm Area 51 can get before the US Air Force shoots them, the raid is going to be live-streamed so you can watch it from the comfort of your very own living room.
According to WSBT22 the self-described ‘experiential retail and entertainment complex’ Area15 is planning on live streaming the assault on the top-secret military base, so you won’t have to Naruto run to avoid the army’s bullets.
Area15 announced their plans to live stream the Area 51 raid on Facebook yesterday, saying they were ‘curious’ what was going to happen on the day of the assault.
They wrote:
Okay. Now we’re curious too about what’s going to happen on 9/20 at the storming of #AREA51. We’re going to live stream the “event” here at #AREA15 to watch what goes down. And, of course, costumes and tin foil hats are required.
Okay. Now we’re curious too about what’s going to happen on 9/20 at the storming of #AREA51. We’re going to live stream…
Posted by Area 15 on Saturday, July 13, 2019
Two million people are apparently interested in ‘storming Area 51′ with the raiders’ main objectives being to ‘rescue’ the aliens held there, steal themselves some sweet alien tech, and avoid being arrested by the authorities.
To achieve their dreams the keyboard warriors plotting the siege have come up with a plan that would put Stannis Baratheon’s tactical genius to shame. They’re going to seperate the raiders into three seperate groups.
The first group are the ‘Kyles (with Monster Energy Drink)’ who will serve as basic infantry, attacking the notorious base en masse, using their Monster drink as a type of combat stimulant presumably.
Jackson Barnes/FacebookBacking them up is the second group, ‘the rock throwers’, who will act as a primitive artillery. I imagine the idea is that the rocks will force the American soldiers on the base to retreat or risk getting a nasty boo-boo.
Finally, and this is the clever bit, the third group, the ‘Naruto runners’ will run along the fringes of the battle like a weird kind of light cavalry.
While I wouldn’t want to presume anything about the strategy the masterminds behind the raid are planning, my guess is that the Kyles and rock throwers’ frontal assault is, in fact, a feint designed to distract the US Air Force from the real threat, the Naruto runners.
This is how I envision the Battle of Area 51 going down.
#Area51memes #Area51 pic.twitter.com/M4JIF603s9— Jonathan Sutter (@JonathanSutter) July 13, 2019
The Naruto runners will simply run past the army then use a combination of ninjutsu and taijutsu to take over Area 51 before the triumphant invading force free the little green men inside.
Of course, this is all nonsense because the raid is just a meme, a hilarious meme but a meme none the less. Not that that fact has discouraged the US Air Force from warning off any potential trespassers.
US Air Force spokesperson Laura McAndrews said in a statement:
[Area 51] is an open training range for the US Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces.
The US Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.
Meanwhile, the former Area 51 employee Bob Lazar who allegedly worked on a site south of the main base in the 80s has urged people not to storm the secretive United States Air Force facility because they moved the alien tech from there years ago.
Lazar wrote on Instagram:
There are no aliens or alien technology located there. The only place there was ever any alien technology was at Site S4, south of Area 51 proper.
That was 30 years ago. S4 may have moved decades ago or it’s possible it’s no longer being used for the project.
If you want to risk the wrath of the US military then feel free to make your way to Area 51 Amargosa Valley, Nevada 20908 on Friday, September 20, 2019 at 3AM.
Who knows? You might get to meet an alien.
If you have a story you want to tell, send it to [email protected].
More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism.
Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV.
He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.