Brighton & Hove LawThings must have been simpler back in the black and white days, when we didn’t have the all-encompassing vortex that is the internet invading every aspect of our lives.
Things like relationships. They must have been a lot simpler before Facebook came along, forcing us to drunkenly trawl through our ex’s wall at 2am, wondering what that cunt Danny means when he tags her in a post claiming: ‘Great night with this one :P xxx’. Three fucking kisses and a sticky out tongue emoji? We only broke up two years ago.
But the internet and social media are here to stay, and – sadly – so is the crippling anxiety and heartbreak it can bring to relationships.
Because as you are about to see, the internet and relationships don’t often mix, as these people all discovered in 2015 to their dismay.
Here are five examples of social media kicking love in the balls:
When Your Epic Breakup On A Plane Gets Live Tweeted
Breakup couple, left, Kelly, rightNow, public breakups are never great, for obvious reasons.
If you follow that logic, public breakups in enclosed spaces are even worse. And if you would be so kind as to continue following my logic (thanks), public breakups in enclosed spaces thousands of feet in the air are definitely the worst.
Which is what happened here, and was conveniently live-tweeted by one Kelly Keegs for the whole world to see.
When Your Boyfriend Won’t Stop Eating Your Poo So You Ask Reddit For Help
The Frisky Yeah, that old chestnut.
A 28-year-old woman on Reddit took to the site to ask for advice, when her wonderful boyfriend of a year and a half started eating her shit.
She began by banging on about how brilliant this guy was, and how much fun they have etc etc. But – Plot Twist – he then started saying he thought it was sexy when she poos, and asked if he could watch.
Long story short she eventually let him watch, which is weird, but she then said they had “amazing sex right after this happens… So, I let it go on without too much resistance” which is also weird.
And the next bit is best told by her:
Here’s what’s now killing me. A few months ago, I agreed to let him taste it. Poop. I know how disgusting this must sound. He’s done it somewhere close to 10 times now. It’s nothing too extreme but he will take a little bite of it and kind of lick it like an ice cream or something. I know this is so gross, and I completely agree. I looked the first time out of curiosity but after that I just left the bathroom and let him do his business. I do not want to be physically present when this happens.
Yep. She let him. And here they are, “still in a great relationship and having decent sex after a year and half, BUT… I am having a really hard time when we kiss now.” Understandable.
She finished off with a cry for help:
Can I just put my foot down suddenly after months of this and refuse to let him come in the bathroom with me? Can I dial it back to him JUST watching me? I’m not sure how he would react. I don’t want to ruin this relationship or our sex life, but things can’t continue like this or I’m afraid I won’t be able to be intimate with him at all at some point.
Run. Run for the hills and don’t look back.
You can read the full story, in all its disgusting glory.
When You Send Your Husband A Sexy Snapchat But Another Man’s Shoes Are In The Photo
#Awkward.
This woman sent her husband some sexy Snapchats in her lingerie to remind him what a fantastic wife he’s got.
Unfortunately, the sexy Snapchats showed there was another man’s boots in the room with her, thus reminding him he had married a cheating bastard.
Whoops…
When Couples Reveal The Weirdest Things They Do Together And Everyone Asks ‘Why’
MTVYeah, exactly that.
Once again Reddit provided the goods with a thread where couples revealed the weirdest things they get up to that they would be too embarrassed to tell their friends about.
Luckily, they weren’t too embarrassed to share them with the internet.
When You Cheat On Your Girlfriend On A Night Out And The Internet Explodes
FacebookI’m sure you’ll all remember Matty from Wythenshawe.
Matty went for a night out in Manchester, where he met a girl called Pippa, who he spent a magical evening with. Pippa was so taken by the young lothario that the next day she took to Facebook in a bid to find him, as Matty had mistakenly given her the wrong *cough cough* phone number.
She did find him, but unfortunately young Matty already had a girlfriend, and when the post got shared Matty’s other half was tagged in it and the internet exploded.
FacebookShit escalated from there, Matty’s girlfriend dumped him, Pippa spoke to the national papers, then Matty had his turn, and in a bid to clear his reputation emitted the immortal phrase:
Why would I go out for a hamburger when I’ve got a sirloin steak cooking at home?
Then everyone forgot all about them until now. I wonder what Matty’s up to these days?
—
So there you have it folks, don’t go mixing relationships with social media in the test tube of life because the results can be disastrous.
Stay safe in 2016, go live in a fucking cave in the Alaskan wilderness and stop doing stupid shit on the internet.
