Blount County Sheriff's Office/FacebookA Tennessee delivery man was jailed on felony charges after allegedly dipping his testicles into a container of salsa a customer had ordered online.
Talk about a hot and spicy meat platter no one ever asked for. The man was reportedly riding shotgun along with a delivery woman when he committed the alleged atrocity against food.
The Dinner Delivered delivery driver – a woman who remains unidentified – reportedly recorded her passenger’s ballsy act of defiance in response to a bad tip for the customer, who was hungry for the Mexican dip.
The passenger has been named as 31-year-old Howard Matthew Webb. Although he wasn’t exactly caught with his hand in the cookie jar – or balls in salsa, as in this case -the driver did make things easy for authorities.
Incredibly, the brazen delivery woman posted the video online, writing:
This is what you get when you give an 89 cents tip for an almost 30-minute drive.
Webb was arrested last week and charged with adulteration of food – the act of intentionally debasing the quality of food offered for sale either by the admixture or substitution of inferior substances or by the removal of some valuable ingredient.
He remains behind bars for the drive-by dipping pending a hearing on March 12.
Dinner Delivered said the food service has fired the driver and forwarded information about her to authorities as well, reports WTMJ-TV.
It is unclear whether she will be charged with any crime, not having actually put her genitals into any foodstuff on a delivery.
Authorities may find she was merely an accessory to adultery of food.
Now, being a woman, I am ill-experienced in the sensations of having male reproductive organs but I’d imagine spicy salsa isn’t the place you’d want to put them.
Let’s just hope the poor, unsuspecting customer didn’t have a nut allergy, hey? Or a pube-in-food aversion.
The book on modern urban mythology could have whole chapters on delivery drivers going rogue with either boredom or revenge on ungrateful or impatient customers awaiting their food, tapping their feet on their doorsteps and panic messaging Deliveroo when the driver goes the long way round.
There’s only one way to solve this crisis: Bring back the drive-thru with the window service. Or just have a lifetime supply of salsa, ketchup, and mayonnaise in your cupboard.
…And trust no one.
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A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.