Whoever dubbed Christmas Time ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ clearly never had to spend Xmas Day with their relatives crowded around the dinner table.
The holiday period has always been about spending time with the people you love and, although you’ll see plenty of family and friends who fall into that category, there’s also always a few people who show up on December 25 who you’re not quite so fond of.
So, as you tuck into your turkey dinner, surrounded by relatives of varying heights thanks to the emergency chairs drafted in to accommodate the large family numbers, you can bet you’ll experience at least one, if not all of the following Christmas Day people and situations…
The Stressed Out Parent
Whoever’s been tasked with making the Christmas dinner this year, be it mum or dad, you can be certain they’ll be absolutely stressed out of their heads in the kitchen trying to make sure everything is prepared on time. At least one thing has gone wrong with their meal plans and they are going to let you know about it if you have the audacity to stumble into the kitchen to query what time dinner will be ready. Fortunately, after finally managing to get everything in the oven/on the stove, they’ll reward themselves with a glass of wine (and then another, and another) which means their stress levels will decrease very quickly indeed.
The Spoiled Child
Sure, they’ve got the new iPhone, a brand new laptop and a number of boxes of Star Wars Lego, but they’re still determined to sulk for the rest of the day because they didn’t get the puppy they wanted. Even though the oversight was all Santa’s fault (honestly, why would we lie to you?), they’re going to take it out on their poor, weary parents for the first few hours of Christmas dinner, while the rest of the relatives around the table slowly go mad listening to the third tantrum of the afternoon.
The Racist Grandparent
Unfortunately, no matter how much you try and steer the conversation in another direction, your grandma/granddad is determined to tell you about their latest opinion of immigrants, formed after extensive reading of the Daily Mail that morning. You can usually get them onto football for 10 minutes of the meal, but the majority of your interaction with your beloved grandparent will be nodding along to something racist out of politeness, before they fall asleep on the couch after one too many glasses of sherry.
The Pervy Uncle
This is usually someone who’s completely unrelated to you but, as one of those old friends of family, you have to put up with them being referred to as your “uncle”. As soon as they see you, they’re almost certain to make you feel uncomfortable by asking you about your love life with a bunch of probing questions, before cracking out a number of bad jokes and inappropriate sexual innuendos just as you’re about to tuck into dinner, usually centred around the turkey – “I’d like a bit of breast/leg/thigh”, etc.
The Aunt Who Talks Through The Christmas TV
You’ve just had a lovely Christmas dinner, polished off a couple of bottles of wine and now it’s time to chill out in front of the TV and see what Xmas specials the BBC has to offer up. However, just as soon as the opening chords of the Doctor Who theme tune begin, your Auntie remembers an amazing story about one of her hilarious work colleagues and decides this is the best moment to tell you all about it. It matters not a jot that you have absolutely no idea who this ‘Jane’ she speaks of is, nor that you don’t care, because this story is being shouted at you for the next 15 minutes of your life, meaning you’re completely lost as to what adventure the Doctor is currently on when you attempt to turn your attention back to the screen. Don’t worry though, she’ll have another story to distract you with soon enough…
The Awkward Next Door Neighbour
As their own family are away for Christmas, your mum thought it’d be nice to invite poor old Bill from next door round. It’s a nice gesture so they’re not alone on Xmas but the poor lad is horribly out of his depth in this environment. He hasn’t seen you since you were “this high” and is fascinated by what you’ve been up to in recent years but, once the conversation dries up (usually after about quarter of an hour), things get very awkward indeed.
Younger Sibling Who Gets Drunk For The First Time
They’ve never had a sip of alcohol before in their life but, as it’s Christmas, they’re allowed to try a small glass of wine for the very first time. It seems like a good idea at the time, especially as it usually quietens them down for a short while. But the Christmas Day scene soon turns into something our of a bad sitcom as an overhyped child is suddenly running around the room all giddy and generally pissing everyone off who just wants to watch the Strictly Come Dancing special in peace.
The Cousin Who’s Doing Better Than You In Life
It doesn’t matter how good your own 2015 has been, you can bet your house on the fact that another, more successful family member is going to show up this year and make you look like utter crap. Pulling up in their Porsche, with their degree from Cambridge and their new promotion and payrise, this cousin then proceeds to act all humble while absolutely rubbing your face in the fact they’ve already achieved more in their 25 years than you ever will. Happy Christmas, though…
