For years intrepid hunters and cryptozoologists have searched the North American woods for the elusive Bigfoot but if he’s anything like this guy describes they may not want to find it.
According to ‘terrified’ dog trainer Peter Caine he had a run in with the legendary beast when he woke up earlier this week to the sound of his dogs barking.
Going outside to see what was happening he was confronted by ‘a 12 foot bigfoot’ who jumped down off Caine’s roof and frightened the poor dog trainer with its throbbing erection.
In a video that’s so hilariously edited I can’t rule out it being a joke, Caine talks us through his panic at seeing the creature and his mythical pocket rocket.
In Caines’ words:
It was huge. It got worse because,you know the goddamned thing had a hard on and it was stroking it, and it was looking at me like ‘oh my god’, that thing’s going to try and fuck me or something.
You know. I’ve heard the reports, I’ve heard the reports, that there’s like anal rapings.
While we’re not quite sure what reports Mr Caine’s been reading, and are far too concerned with are internet history to Google ‘Bigfoot anal’, he was spared any first hand experience when his dog frightened the beast off.
Whatever was going on Bigfoot was clearly into as he jizzed on the ground before running off, leaving huge footprints in the ground as well as some spunk.
Caine’s now asking the police and the nearby Cornell University to investigate the amorous creature adding this is a genuine problem for people living in Bigfoot country.
Of course it is…
More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism.
Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV.
He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.