Parents are full of great advice. We might not always appreciate it when we’re young, but they are.
And while most parents will hand down advice verbally, as and when they see fit, one mum decided to impart of list of good advice – and some general life rules – to her teenage son as he departed for a holiday with his mates in Magaluf.
Those last few words are probably enough to tell you why mum Lisa was ‘stressed’ about her 18-year-old son Finlay going away, so she texted him a few pieces of sage wisdom.
The teenager posted his mum’s text messages on Twitter, which has since racked up thousands of shares.
Mum Lisa wrote:
I’m starting to stress about u going to Magaluf tomorrow. I’ve been thinking about some words of advice.
1. Don’t drink before you get to the airport. If u r drunk they wont let u on the plane. Just remember the Eminem concert!….Well actually I don’t suppose u can remember the Eminem concert.
I don’t know about you but I really want to know what happened at the Eminem concert.
Anyway, Lisa continued:
2. Don’t take you passport out at night for ID. Over the last month or so you’ve lost 2 provisionals, 3 door keys, bank cards, money and a wallet. You cant be trusted. I recon if u look over 12 in Maga u prob wont get ID’d. If u lost it they wont let u home, which wouldn’t be that bad but u only have about a tenner spending money.
3. Remember to eat. Don’t judge the price of food by how many alcoholic drinks u could buy for the same
Absolutely sound advice, think I’d rather go on holiday with Lisa…
Finlay tried to reassure his worried mum, replying: ‘Al be sound mate’.
But despite his incredibly reassuring text, Lisa continued:
4. If there’s a boat part or even a pool party, u just stay away. Mind that time u accidentally walked in to a pond and had to come home naked without a working phone?
5. Dont get a tatoo… Or if u have to get one make sure it’s on your bum so that when you’re regretting it for the next 70 years it’s not such an obvious daily reminder of when u were an 18 year old twat.
6. Dont have unprotected sex. A night of fun is not worth a lifetime of gonorrhea. In fact, dont have sex at all. You dont know where they’ve been.
Again, great advice from mum Lisa.
She then brings it home with the final messages:
7. Dont phone me for a chat when u r drunk. I will only worry! Even if one of our favourite songs comes on, if it’s 3 in the morning I dont need a call from you shouting “YOU WILL LOVE THIS SONG LISA! LISTEN FOR THE BASS DROP!” I also dont need video called in the early hours to speak to randoms.
8. Look after each other and phone me if there are any problems. I’m trying to think who out of the group is the most sensible but I’m struggling… I love u more than life so have fun but come home safe
To which Finlay replied: ‘Love you pal x’. Sounds like these two have got a great relationship. Mum and son goals!
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist and sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.