PornHub/InstagramAh, November. The month we get to celebrate bonfire night; the month where radios start playing all the classic Christmas tunes; and the month where men challenge themselves not to ejaculate for the entire 30 days.
No, I’d never heard of the latter either, but after doing some light googling I can confirm ‘No Nut November’ is a real thing, and the rules are simple.
Men essentially have to go 30 days without ‘busting a nut’ – or ejaculating, for us folk who don’t speak the laddy lingo. That means no masturbating, no having sex and no doing anything that could possibly lead to breaking the challenge.
The Urban Dictionary defines No Nut November as:
An ancient ritual that must be performed by one man every thousand years. This man must have a will stronger than any other, and must defy his destiny of being a common man to save all of humanity. This man must control his primal urges, to go without nutting for the entire month of November. This man is you, Dankuya. Defy your destiny and save humanity, the fate of the world rests in your hands.
As I write this, it’s two days into No Nut November, but it seems men all over the globe have failed stick to their temporary celibacy. In fact, Pornhub has confirmed it.
The adult video hosting site (let’s be real, you already knew what it was) took to Twitter yesterday to hilariously troll everyone for not sticking to their jizz-free commitment on the very first day of the month.
’20 million people already failed No Nut November,’ Pornhub wrote on Twitter, adding, ‘Weak.’
Update: 100 million have now fallen.
To the soldiers still going strong, we salute you. Only 29 days to go.
— Pornhub ARIA (@Pornhub) November 2, 2019
A second tweet continued with an update stating 100 million ‘have now fallen’. It then added, ‘To the soldiers still going strong, we salute you. Only 29 days to go.’
Now, I can only assume Pornhub is insinuating everyone who has watched one of their videos has ‘busted a nut’, which is a pretty bold claim.
What if they just like the storylines? Of course, I’m kidding.
According to Urban Dictionary, anyone who successfully makes it through the 30 days of celibacy automatically qualifies through to Destroy Dick December, which quite frankly, I wouldn’t recommend.
To anyone setting out on this challenge, I wish you good luck with the rest of your endeavour. You’ve got this.
If you have a story you want to tell, send it to UNILAD via [email protected]
Emma Rosemurgey is an NCTJ trained Journalist who started her career by producing The Royal Rosemurgey newspaper in 2004, which kept her family up to date with the goings on of her sleepy north east village. She graduated from the University of Central Lancashire in Preston and started her career in regional newspapers before joining Tyla (formerly Pretty 52) in 2017, and progressing onto UNILAD in 2019.